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Showing posts with label Anna Alban Pyromatrix. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Anna Alban Pyromatrix. Show all posts

Tuesday, 28 October 2014

Captain Rotskagg Blenkinsopp


A short while later the entire group were clambering up the slope onto a grassed earthen platform of approximately one hectare in area. On it stood two, singular buildings. To their left a three-story timber frame hall was raised up on Doric columns of black and white oak. A market was spread out amongst the pillars and a sweeping stairway led up through the floor to a Georgian doorway. The dun coloured lath and plaster infill between the dark frames was pierced where ever possible with leaded windows. This sober building was the Moot Hall, the place where serious issues were thrashed out and important decisions made. Facing it, and far more jocular in nature was the Mead Hall. Entirely constructed of heavy, deeply carved oak, the main structure was windowless with a steeply tiered shingle roof out of which sprouted a tower and flying grotesques. It was decorated with intertwining ravens, deer, boar and dragons, and painted in earthy reds and yellows and a vibrant electric-blue. Smoke seeped through gaps in the roof and a great deal of noise issued from its dark interior.   On the green between the two buildings our merry gang found at last the Tamworth Ranters, dancing and carousing, a motley, unkempt band. Exposed skin, of which there was a great deal, was painted and tattooed, their scant clothing, brightly coloured and patterned, hair unruly, or elaborately entwined with ribbons and feathers. Many of the aged amongst the groups, wrinkled, sagging and tanned, seemed to shun clothing almost entirely. A manic hoop dancer twirled past, her plaited hair writhing like a medusa on speed. There was a hurdy-gurdy and a flautist in a huge floppy hat, standing on one leg.
            With Anna taking the lead, they approached the Mead Hall.   At once a slender girl burst into the open like a faun breaking cover and came prancing down the wide steps that led up to its entrance.   She was stained with red ochre and decorated in strange black Cabalistic symbols, an ankle length heavy woollen, tiered and pleated skirt hung from her hips and she had tiny bells on her toes.   She was towing a golden youth, a naked youth, gilded from blond hairline to the tips of his toes, He was lithe, physical perfection with cornflower-blue eyes, yet unnaturally passive. The girl winked at Anna on her way past, bound for a small orchard down by the river.
            “Isn’t he just too gorgeous?”
            Anna smiled back without comment.   Ferdy looked stunned and, ever so lightly, bemused.
           
Obvious within the Mead Hall, even from the imposing doorway, despite the jostling crowd, was a massive bulk of bulging muscle beneath a covering of sun blackened hide, criss-crossed with livid scars and almost entirely covered in tattoos, a red beard, plaited and bowed, a stub of clay pipe, a third hand black leather Saint Laurent biker jacket, scuffed and stained with sump oil, over a pink, Eric Bloodaxe t-shirt, striped Bermuda shorts, Doc Martens 14 eyelet Black 1914s, a red headscarf and black felt hat with black ostrich feathers and an extra wide brim turned up and pinned at the front. It was seated on a straining Windsor oak chair with a Ranter lass on each knee and a quart pewter tankard in its gnarled fist.   This was unmistakably Rotskagg Blenkinsopp the pirate king.   He stood up with a roar, letting the two girls fall, giggling, to the ground.
            “Anna, miri feely yog chavi, sastimos. Y kon shee deze bold ryes?”
            (“Anna, my young fire child, greetings. And who are these daring gentlemen?”)
             “Tooti vada kushti, skipper. Mira compañeros, o famosos Boz, Ferdinand o vlieger y Phoebles kon shee nossa martini constante,”
(“You look well, captain.   My companions, the famous Boz, Ferdinand the aviator and Phoebles who is our steadying hand,”) replied Anna.
            “You polari’s improving,” boomed Rotskagg, now in thickly accented English. He lurched forward, lifted Boz by the shoulders and shook him in a companionable way.   Dropping the Boz, he grabbed Ferdy’s wing stub and shook it so vigorously that several feathers had to be straightened, once the bird had freed himself from the crushing grip.   Advancing jovially towards a horrified Phoebles the corsair swept his hat from his own head and dropped it over the rotund ginger tom.   It buried him.   As Phoebles battled to escape, the hat twitched and it’s black plume quivered, and Rotskagg clung to the furniture, overcome with mirth.   Deeming introductions to be at an end the captain turned his attention to the ragged band of wild cats, wilder Scots and scurvy sea dogs that were shambling into the hall.
            “Mira wortacha, pralas, avela y schlumph, y xa.   Mandi wil parlé.   Eğlence daha yeni başlıyor.”
(“My confederates, brothers, come and drink, and eat.   We must talk.   The fun is only just beginning.) Rotskagg retrieved his hat and Phoebles rejoined his companions, blinking.
            “What’s all that jabber?”
            “The Pirate King prefers to communicate in a bastard form of Lingua Franca.   It is the common language of the corsairs.” Explained Anna before she turned her attention to the ruffian band. Rotskagg had scooped up Bui and was tickling her behind one ear. Ale was ordered.

“Have we been dismissed?” asked Ferdy.
            “They do seem to have forgotten us.” replied Boz.
            Phoebles was edging towards the food. A long table was piled high with ornately displayed snacks. Multi-coloured catnip muffins vied with mooncakes and neat little triangular fish-paste sandwiches for the attention of prospective diners. There were exotic flans and trifle and, at the centre a life-size ice sculpture of Lady Æthelflæda in full armour and winged helmet, already melting into the brocade tablecloth. Almost before he could grab any of the refreshments there was a commotion and Snowdrop wobbled her way through the crowd on her unicycle, juggling three white mice who were squeaking Rule Britannia, not very well as they were a little nauseous.
            “Come on,” she shouted, spinning round and heading for the door, “The brass band competition is about to start.” 

Thursday, 28 August 2014

Wee Hamish


       
    Just inside the gate there were Hoop-La stalls and coconut shies and Hook-a-Duck, all the fun of the fair for thruppence a go. Beyond these they approached an inflatable paddling pool and soggy cleric beneath a sign proclaiming Dunk the Vicar.   A target was contrived, by utilising a cunning arrangement of levers and gears, that when hit it would trip a precarious chair, tipping its occupant into the water below. The local boys were very good at throwing. Flo had travelled down with Boz and Co on the Æthelflæda, trusting the public bar at the Den into the care of one of the more reliable regulars, a trustworthy, conscientious and only slightly undead connoisseur of the golden nectar. She took one look at the forlorn and bedraggled priest, strode over and stepped into the pool. 
            “Go and get yourself a cup of tea, Pops,” she said swinging herself up into the chair and smiling sweetly at the queue of teenagers. “Come on, brats, I don’t mind a little water.” Somehow, under Flo’s withering gaze they found themselves utterly unable to hit the mark, several broke down before they got to their turn and one optimistic urchin, having thrown up on the grass, tried unsuccessfully to demand a refund.
            Boz smiled, “Best crack on, she’ll be there for a while.”
            The irresistible scent of chips frying wafted on the air.
            “Is it lunchtime yet?” asked Phoebles.
            They were passing side isles cluttered with jostling fast food stalls, Egyptian Koshari, Vietnamese Pho, Bakewell puddings, Welsh cawl, Hairy Tatties from Strathbogie and, of course Harry Ramsden’s Guisely fish and chips.
            "Hokey pokey penny a lump. Have a lick make you jump." An Italian hokey-pokey man had parked his ice cream trike close by the Kittens’ Vicecream van and was attracting a queue. Within the forbidding gothic interior of the Vicecream van a plot was being hatched to remove the unwanted competition, whilst one of the less scary Kittens leaned out of the serving hatch and beamed a smile at the unwitting Latin.
            Overhead the Kronstadt Fleet Air Arm were giving a heart stopping aerobatic display in their little Ratas.   As the gang looked up Polly broke away from her squadron to skywrite Hello Boz within a heart across the clear blue.   At a lower altitude, Beryl & Ferdy were taking kids on flights round the town in the Dragon Rapide.
            The boys had not gone much further when they heard the soulful strains of Scottish bagpipes.
            “Come on.   Sounds like we’re missing something good.”
            They emerged onto a grassed plaza where, in front of the Ranters’ Mead Hall steps and shadowed beneath the looming presence of Tamworth Castle, erstwhile seat of Æthelflæda Myrcna hlæfdige, the piper, kilted and clad in Darth Vader helmet, droned out Motörhead’s March Ör Die, blasting flames from the chanters and swirling tight circles on his unicycle.   A small torti-shell was hurrying towards Boz and his pals.
            “We made it. Anna’s just over there with the ambulance.”    Anna Pyromatrix travelled with Bui her cat in and old ambulance converted to a mobile home.   It was more cramped than a Winnebago, but cunningly kitted out to provide all their basic needs. “This,” Bui pointed at the piper, “is Wee Hamish.   He came down with us.”
            As Hamish segued seamlessly into We Are Sailing, Bui grabbed Phoebles’ paw and dragged him towards a cluster of ghers, tipis and festival tents.   Boz and Ferdy hurried along behind.
            Near the centre of the encampment they found the ambulance. Close by a small group of pirate captains, Reivers, Moss Troopers and clan chiefs lounged around a roaring campfire. A black iron kettle hung precariously above the flames and a slight, wild haired blond crouched where a tablecloth had been spread out on the ground with a chipped teapot and collection of miss matched mugs.   Anna stood up when she saw them approach.
            “Mr Boz, Ferdy …and Phoebles!   We’re off to find Rotskagg in a wee while, but there’ll be time for a brew first.   You’ll be setting yoursels doon?”

Sunday, 30 January 2011

Narnia Sub Minatio

catnip road trip
and if one green bottle should accidentally fall... again and... again and... again and...
strawberry is at the wheel as we speed through strathbogie our wheels splashing mudstreeks across deserted streets abandoned shops and homes... ghost town
our winter tyres carve deep scars sad memories of disappointments and fading horrors into the gravel drive of huntly castle
stark tower of grey stone
the laird offers kippers and devilled kidneys for breakfast
clad in bonnet and plaid trews he stands beneath his portcullis armwaving local directions
he has drawn us a detailed map... in pencil on scented notepaper
back in the vicecreamvan... back on the road... tracking the bogie river
we come upon a clearing in the conifer forest

 multicoloured patchwork tents yurts and mobile homes cluster about an antique cottage
white woodsmoke pillars upwards from the lone chimney
the aroma of baking
i hope that is fresh hot catnip mooncakes i can smell says boz
anna and bui in the doorway wipe flour handprints onto their aprons
we have encountered the bravehearted refugees of strathbogie...
'twas a day in late november in the year of 2010
when snow began to fall upon this happy glen
they left for work that morning without any dread
never suspecting as they kissed their wives goodbye that by the evening they could be dead
if they had not dressed warmly and worn a woollen vest
as anyone will tell you is the very best
and those that got home that freezing night
looked out in the morning to a terrible sight
for they were cut off by ice and snow
and the temperature was -25 degrees centigrade which is awfully low
they waited and waited in horrible fear
till their rescuers came in the new year
the vicecream van with boris and aunty stella
was a welcome sight to a shivering feller
and anna and bui had baked them all a treat
because as every one knows heroes have to eat
strawberry ferdy and phoebus must be lauded as well
because they endured hardship and danger and went through hell
in order to rescue the good people of strathbogie
and now they had made it those heroes of limehousesailortown and the norwegian doggie
with supplies and aid for which all are grateful
and a poet of fame to recount their perils so fateful
...later as the sun sinks jaffa orange from the pomegranate sky
ANNA PYROTECHNIX
ignites a towering structure of redundant furniture old doors and petrol
winter's funeral pyre
campfire ceilidh
fairy lights hang in the norway spruce
an enigmatic puginesque castiron pierhead plays stage to fiddlers and pipers
fiddles prance pipes lament
bui on onestring fiddlehorn and bamse on norwegian tricycle hurdygurdy duet
the woods ring to the bonfire cackle the uncorked effervescing laughter
the skirling and whirling
the distant chainsaw whine of the encroaching loggers...
Aunty Stella, Ferdinand and Strawberry will eventually take the Vicecream van south to search out the Kittens of Chaos and restore them to the Land of Green Ginger.   As for Boz, Phoebles and myself, we will await the return of the Arctic Coleyfishtrawler Lord Ancaster which will take us by sea to Limehousesailortown.  Meanwhile, perhaps we can help in someway in the defence against the forces of commerce which threatened Anna's forest.
...Far away
A dapper figure in porkpie hat, zootsuit and squirrelgrey spats grubs out the disaffected, the dispossessed.
Slasher McGoogs is spreading sedition throughout leafy Surrey.
But that is another story.  
Ginsbergbear
Rothiemay
2011