Phoebus had had a plan – he’d wait. The thing would get hungry, or bored, or homesick, or just forget why it was hiding, and then it would come out. His plan had not included being shouted at.
He sat up, stunned. Then quickly went into the lounge and woke Boz, who was sleeping on the sofa.
“I think you’d better come and see this.” They padded, together into the dining room. “I found it outside. It’s just called to me, in Cat.”
Boz tilted his head to one side and studied the creature. "Did it say anything useful?"
“It said, ‘Take me to your leader.’ Do I have a leader?”
“Shouldn’t think so. What’s a leader?"
"Should I poke it?"
"No." Boz pushed his nose towards the alien. "Let's humour it. What are you and where are you from, little creature?"
Well, so far so good. There were two of the terrifying predators now. The second one was even bigger and a darker orange, but with more white. It did not look any less dangerous. 1Fnyrdh's throat was dry and she was trembling slightly - imperceptibly she hoped.
"I am 1Fnyrdh of the Kwmbry and I come from up there..."
The two cats looked up.
"Did it just say it fell off the ceiling?" asked Boz.
"It's making it up." replied Phoebus, "I brought it in from next door's garden."
"No..." 1Fnyrdh indicated towards a large transparent rectangle in one of the walls, "...out there. I come from the stars."
"Now it says it fell through one of the shiny holes in the big black roof. Has it got concussion?"
Phoebus had dropped onto his elbows and was beginning to wiggle his bottom. Before he could pounce Boz stopped him. "Give it a bit longer, this is fun."
"I am a space wrecked traveller, sole survivor from a doomed Galaxy Class ore carrier. I am unable to return to my home world without your assistance." She assumed the posture of a supplicant. Then, indicating her surroundings 1Fnyrdh continued, "Your species has obviously achieved wondrous technological advances, are you capable of interstellar flight?"
"What is technological?" asked Boz.
"What is advances?" asked Phoebus.
"You are too modest, this vast hall with its amazing artefacts, the many buildings beyond, only a great civilisation could construct such marvels or take all this for granted."
"This..." explained Boz, "...is Home. You don't construct Home, it just is; it's more to do with philosophy than physics."
"And we are ginger moggies from the planet Hereandnow," added Phoebus, "and we eat small creatures - even annoyingly deluded, gobby ones that think they are aliens."
Not going quite so well now, then. Oh, Sqwrll! If this was Star Quest she'd just shoot her way out of this mess and steal herself one of their space ships. Only they didn't seem to have any space ships and Leading Spacepeople were hardly going to be let loose near guns. The crews of VLBCs were notoriously quirky. It was a long time between ports and you had to be a bit mad to be out there in the first place.
"We may have got off on the wrong foot here. Please, let me try to explain. I have inadvertently become trapped on your planet, which, pleasant as it may seem to you, is far from my home. I am considering the possibility that you are not the dominant species here and I wonder if you could put me in touch with..." The voice of the translator distorted. There was a pause, then it said, "Battery low!" in all known languages and went silent. 1Fnyrdh carried on for a while in Kwmbrysh, but it was pointless.
When Richard came in to see what all the meowing was about he found the three of them standing motionless, each apparently waiting for one of the others to do something.
"What the hell have you brought in this time, Phoebus?" He peered down at the tiny creature with its long pointed face, black boot-button eyes, grey velvety coat and short, whip-like tail. "That's not a mouse, what on earth is it?" It looked up as he dropped a beer glass over it and slipped a piece of card underneath. As he inverted the assemblage the little animal fell into the bottom of the glass, squeaking angrily. Richard carried it carefully outside whilst Phoebus and Boz searched all the nooks and corners of their dining room for their now missing lunch. Richard walked some way down the lane and stopped at an overgrown patch of waste ground. He tipped out the none too grateful animal that he felt he had rescued at no slight inconvenience to himself.
"Off you go, little feller. This should give you a head start. And be a bit more careful in future."
"Should I poke it?"
"No." Boz pushed his nose towards the alien. "Let's humour it. What are you and where are you from, little creature?"
Well, so far so good. There were two of the terrifying predators now. The second one was even bigger and a darker orange, but with more white. It did not look any less dangerous. 1Fnyrdh's throat was dry and she was trembling slightly - imperceptibly she hoped.
"I am 1Fnyrdh of the Kwmbry and I come from up there..."
The two cats looked up.
"Did it just say it fell off the ceiling?" asked Boz.
"It's making it up." replied Phoebus, "I brought it in from next door's garden."
"No..." 1Fnyrdh indicated towards a large transparent rectangle in one of the walls, "...out there. I come from the stars."
"Now it says it fell through one of the shiny holes in the big black roof. Has it got concussion?"
Phoebus had dropped onto his elbows and was beginning to wiggle his bottom. Before he could pounce Boz stopped him. "Give it a bit longer, this is fun."
"I am a space wrecked traveller, sole survivor from a doomed Galaxy Class ore carrier. I am unable to return to my home world without your assistance." She assumed the posture of a supplicant. Then, indicating her surroundings 1Fnyrdh continued, "Your species has obviously achieved wondrous technological advances, are you capable of interstellar flight?"
"What is technological?" asked Boz.
"What is advances?" asked Phoebus.
"You are too modest, this vast hall with its amazing artefacts, the many buildings beyond, only a great civilisation could construct such marvels or take all this for granted."
"This..." explained Boz, "...is Home. You don't construct Home, it just is; it's more to do with philosophy than physics."
"And we are ginger moggies from the planet Hereandnow," added Phoebus, "and we eat small creatures - even annoyingly deluded, gobby ones that think they are aliens."
Not going quite so well now, then. Oh, Sqwrll! If this was Star Quest she'd just shoot her way out of this mess and steal herself one of their space ships. Only they didn't seem to have any space ships and Leading Spacepeople were hardly going to be let loose near guns. The crews of VLBCs were notoriously quirky. It was a long time between ports and you had to be a bit mad to be out there in the first place.
"We may have got off on the wrong foot here. Please, let me try to explain. I have inadvertently become trapped on your planet, which, pleasant as it may seem to you, is far from my home. I am considering the possibility that you are not the dominant species here and I wonder if you could put me in touch with..." The voice of the translator distorted. There was a pause, then it said, "Battery low!" in all known languages and went silent. 1Fnyrdh carried on for a while in Kwmbrysh, but it was pointless.
When Richard came in to see what all the meowing was about he found the three of them standing motionless, each apparently waiting for one of the others to do something.
"What the hell have you brought in this time, Phoebus?" He peered down at the tiny creature with its long pointed face, black boot-button eyes, grey velvety coat and short, whip-like tail. "That's not a mouse, what on earth is it?" It looked up as he dropped a beer glass over it and slipped a piece of card underneath. As he inverted the assemblage the little animal fell into the bottom of the glass, squeaking angrily. Richard carried it carefully outside whilst Phoebus and Boz searched all the nooks and corners of their dining room for their now missing lunch. Richard walked some way down the lane and stopped at an overgrown patch of waste ground. He tipped out the none too grateful animal that he felt he had rescued at no slight inconvenience to himself.
"Off you go, little feller. This should give you a head start. And be a bit more careful in future."
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